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October 7th, 2012

11:30 pm: could the people in this world "respect my space' & jump off Plz
I am in a not sure what mood ,sick of always helping some 1 ,yrt if I need help I end up asking pleading ,begging & unless there is "some thing in it 4 them I wont get help .I never ask 4 help but if I do that means I really need some ,but I will be the first 1 2 help u .I really need a pick up truck ASAP during hours that most people work (9-5)2 get my storage bin started at a first mth 1$ deal,yet only a coulpe of real people (who are way 2 busy ) said that they would help on THEIR LUNCH BREAK ,Now what the hell is wrong w/ all the other people who have had "help moving things, Throw big b-day parties 4 themselves & invited every 1 (more gifts lol ) Why can I not get 1 person (and Mon is a holiday ) 2 help? I only have crap 2 move (stuff in boxes (no furniture ) so it is not much & all doesn't need 2 go at 1 time ,just need 2 start .Most of the people I have asked are in the same capoeira class w/ me & in about 8 days I am going 2 try 2 move up 2 a higher level that I am semi ready 4 (scared poop less)They are taking in consideration my m.s. and hyperglycemia (they don't know my whole med history as this is the worst part right now)So some of the moves that I can't do really good ,like a simple bridge,cartwheel (we call other name ) so long as I can show that I know how 2 do them ,along with the basic "don't watch the foot aimed at your head deal "lol)I will be moved up .I have been doing this 4 years but if u take off the times I was in a come, blood transfusion etc (also could not walk w/ out a cane ,back wards,stand on 1 foot .I was only able 2 walk near walls or holding on & very slow NOTE if any wants details on a senile old ladys martial arts trip email me s it is long & this is not what I am bitching about .SO BACK TO MY BITCHING I am so p.o that I am thinking of not showing up and not moving up (we do about 4 days of 12 hours work shops and thing )I know that I am only "hurting my self by not going ...but right now my heat is not in it or w/ the people around me & what little "self confidence I felt about myself moving up and every thing in general I lost or misplaced ,as right now I just feel weak un sure of myself,Depressed that I let myself down & don't wan't 2 do that again.I never ask 4 help never and I should have known better but this stupid thing next 2 this beating thing on my left side ,think it's called a "heart by the right side I have this thing that I can't get rid of doc can't do it & many have tried right hand side by the heart almost fits like a puzzle ,that thing is called HOPE. I ca't get rid of it no matter how messed up things get ,Now If we could find some thing 2 get rid of all are disability pain ( m.s. fibro lupus & all others,but u get the point ? ) If anybody makes this far w/o thing about how loony I am .roflyao,thinking I shroud b in a "straight jacket" (size adults double 00 but looking 4 "hot pink " lol& even if u did you are a 'grand prize winner !!!!You made it past all the grimmer and run in sentences so you can read bd written grimmer (like understanding slang /street talk or baby .toddler , only in writhing.thank's 4 the good "vent if u are reading the

Current Location: here therehome
Current Mood: discontentdiscontent

July 18th, 2012

10:51 pm: Dear human race ,please start picking on some 1 your own size,k Thanks
Than you for making me lose all faith in man kind,after 2 weeks of trying 2 findhelp 4 my mom who was subject to "sexual misconduct " by a medical driver for the day program she has attended for over 8 years ,The people there all have things from T.b.a. to m.s. and some can't move or speak & are young to old in age .My mom is 69 ,reported it ,only to have the "state run "program secretary call the company and ask that he not be allowed 2 pick her up. She had to she her Dr for meds cause she has panic attacks when they come 2 pick up people ,she thinks it might be him. No one offered her any counseling or any think 2 deal w/ this ,also she has not been w/ any 1 since 1970's.This happened right b4 I started back 2 the program & was wondering why the staff (that was in charge) was treating me rude and accusing me of things I didn't do like being rude to other staff and patients such,yet when I went 2 each person 2 apolitical ,they all looked at me like I was nuts & told me I wasn't any thing like that .yesterday when my mom wasn't their they had this "special" meeting with me where they claim 2 go over your goals and stuff ,yet their was 3 of them 2 me and they all ganged up on me and started w/ how bad my "attitude was " and how "healthy "I am ,that OI don't need 2 be there .(I have m.s. & just got over a attack that I fell 4 different times & broke my wrist ,also have bony spurs hitting my spinal cord where there is no covering causing all kinds of neat feeling ,along w/ over 40 lesions in my brain and a bunch on my neck along w/other health issues ) but I chose to walk w/out a cane and not use a wheel chair ,I also choose 2 do 4 myself so they were trying to say that I am not sick? After 15 mins of not being able to get 4 words in a row and all the things they said I did ,which I didn't I stood up , slammedbe as sure as I sound my bottle of water on the table and said I am done trying 2 talk ,we can have this meeting when I get some 1 here 2 represent me as you wont let me speak,or defend myself ,I turned ,walked out and started 2 leave 2 take a bus home but knew that that was what they wanted .so they could get rid of me right now. at the end of the day I asked 11 of my friends 2 go w/ me 2 the big shot office so I can get her name /# and when I get a Representative we can set up a time cause I am not going 2 be bulled / ganged up on or accused of things that are not right and not allowed 2 speak. She then asked my fried 2 leave us and wanted me 2 go into her office and close the door , which I started 2 do & stopped told her no sorry ,was not going 2 be along needed some 1 to witness what I was saying and that I was not be ganged up on. (my friend standing there could have done it but she didn't even think /or want any 1 around) so we left to go back & the social worker (1 of the gang) walks over says 2 me " just want u 2 know "we r preparing your d/c from this program papers & I said "that's cool" just want u 2 know we are pressing full charges w/gates police about that little medicab incident that took place here more then once" she said go ahead " all are ducks are in order" wth ?I a said "cool" bring it on "

December 12th, 2011

08:50 pm: sad thing 2 see
So while I was buying bulk bird seed in the store 2 day a little old lady about 75 year old walked up next 2 me and put 2 pieces of broken bulk dog biscuit in her pocket and then went to buy some dog food ,I bought a couple dollars worth of biscuits in case I could find her in the check out again ,but I couldn't find her so I am going to give them 2 my mom whole lives in a senior housing project were they have dogs to give to some one .It is a real sad day when the elderly need to steal simple things that every one else takes for granted ,Think about it what else is the elderly doing with out?

Current Mood: sadsad

November 12th, 2011

04:34 pm: AT LAST
i HAZ PROVIGIL AFTER 4 YEARS OF FIGHTING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and 1 day of 8 hours sitting in the doctor's office w/ the supervisor ,they still get it wrong .It Took another 5 days to get it right ,now lets hope it still works 4 me like it used 2 ,it's my last hope

Current Mood: anxiousanxious

October 3rd, 2011

12:27 am: suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem ,suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem,suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem,suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem,suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem,suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem,now if I keep saying it over and over will I start believing it ?

Current Mood: indescribableindescribable

August 30th, 2011

09:59 pm: need advice on how to stop being screwed over by agencys that are suppose 2 help
I have been working with "the center of disability ) rights (cdr) since Dec of 2010 trying to set up a trust fund for my spend down of $240.Due to lack of communication on there part I now am going to "owe over 600$ to keep my medicaid and $27 $ in food stamps . my medicaid was "pending "till till April and no one told me I need to put $ in the trust while I was waiting ,once we got past that ,I didn't know a wire transfer was a direct deposit and while talking to them at the bank twice they gave me the wrong acct numbers to my bank to send the money to .then no one told me my acct was negative or that my worker quit /left/got fired they just never returned my calls ,they don't use this sign --- to show negative but use this sign ((() 80 )) after talking to the two people who was working with me (1 was helping me 2 get organised ) supervisor and finding out that my rent still hasn't been paid 4 July and money still lost for 3 mths they gave me 2 some 1 else who told me they put the money back in my acct cause the numbers for transfer was wrong back in June or July ,no way to find out and really doesn't matter as if you don't deposit for 3 mths they close your acct and right now 240 time 3 is way more then I have. I asked for her supervisor and have been playing phone tag for 2 weeks now so I want to know who can I go to in the government as this is a government based program? is it a legislator or councilman ? what is my next step ? Also I have been saying all along I want to file a formal complaint and they have been ignoring me .I have m.s. and sever anemia where I need a blood transfusion every week and also during this I needed emergency surgery that almost couldn't take place due to a heart blockage sorry for the length can't cut and paste tia

Current Mood: draineddrained
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